Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
