i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
