So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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