The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
