you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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