I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
