I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
