Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
