My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
