Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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