dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Of course I have a pirate flag
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
