wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
