Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
