I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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