I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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