Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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