Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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