So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
