did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
