I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
