Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
