I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
