glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
