You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
