your thong is hanging out like whoa
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am available for nakedness
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
