I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
