Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize