I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
