Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
