His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My vagina is officially offended.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
