She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
