My first STD was from a foam party
Duck Duck Cougar?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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