that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
