yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
