Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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