um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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