she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
be right there i have to get my cape
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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