um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
