I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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