Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
