I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
