I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
