friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
