She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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