She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
