I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I want to fling myself into the sun
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
