my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
