sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
