Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
