I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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