These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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