I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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