I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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