i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it was like eating out sand paper
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
