omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
