Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
