i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize