I heard we made out
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
third nipple confirmed
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
