Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
