if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
this hospital has no fireball
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
