I'm really into asian looking animals
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
