It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
