i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
