kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You did what with his pubic hair?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
