my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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