never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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