This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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