I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
