i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
