I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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