Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize