I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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