Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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