i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
