I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
