It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
