besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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