I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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