I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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