So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
