I hate all girls vehemently.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
