Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Panties = found
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize