Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
