Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
