I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
