he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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