im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
