It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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