she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
