I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
